|Posted on November 19, 2017 at 9:00 PM|
I recently finished a project that took me on a psyche/soma (mind/body) whirl~wind. If you could imagine a car or a house swirling around the wide and vicious arms of a tornado, knocking against other flailing objects, and replace that car or house with me — so it was.
It didn’t begin that way. No! It began with a “WANT” being manifested. I visioned the job (which led me to this particular project) into manifestation. It was months in the making. And wallah! The universe answered with what looked to be the perfect fulfillment of my “WANT.”
Then this deceptively beautiful eye locked me in her gaze. Before I knew it… I was in the midst of a devastating storm. This storm’s grip was tight and relentless. No matter how much I fought to free myself, Her resolve to engulf me prevailed.
‘Fear and Loathing’ thundered, and opened my Pandora’s box of triggers and old wounds, lighting me up like a pinball machine. ‘Fear and Loathing’ everywhere I turned. I blamed everything - from the Sun to the Moon - for feeling this way. All this work I have been doing on myself - for this? This wasn’t what I asked for? This most definitely wasn’t my ‘WANT.’
Somewhere in the endless cycle of this big fat metaphorical tornado swirl, Mick Jaggers’ voice began his lyric swirl in my brain “You can’t always get what you wa-ant. But if you try sometiiime, You just might fiiind ….You get what you nee-eed!” As if tickled by a little pink feather, I felt an unsuspecting smile deep within. Inspired by the words of a friend, ‘I felt my organs smile.’ I mean, for one, a damn Rolling Stones song woke me up like no meditation practice, yoga posture or lecture could, and two, it gave me permission to relinquish and surrender. Even within the destructive nature of the experience, I found peace. I found the calm within the storm. It was a Deep. Painful. Perfect Acceptance; which then opened me to an even Deeper. More Painful. Perfect Mission of Self Discovery.
It was the transition from the Lady of Balance archetype (sign of Libra) to the Queen of Death Archetype (sign of Scorpio). It was moving me more deeply into the darkness, baring witness to my shadows and being willing to see the dark face of Priestess Tisha.
All the “Work” was preparing me for this storm. This “project.” Growth manifests from discomfort and the willingness to, lovingly, see, embrace, walk into, and surrender to the insights and healing awaiting us in dark phases of our moon.
Categories: Awakened Heart Newsletter